Shape My Heart

I'm realizing a lot about myself in this first semester of nursing school:

1. I tend to move at a fast-pace, always multitasking.

This can be a good quality. I am driven and purposeful in nearly all that I do, and as a result, can get a lot accomplished. This leads me to believe that I would thrive most as a nurse in a high-intensity setting (maybe the ER?). The downside though, is that sometimes my "go-go-go" lifestyle, makes it easy to miss people.

And after all, they are the point right? I could accomplish a whole bunch of really good goals, but without taking the time to really love people, then what good is that?

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing" (1 Corinithians 13:1-3).

2. I like to fix things.

Once again, this can be a really good quality, I am not content to just let things sit. I am not usually the friend you come to, just to vent or whine about something without intending to do something to change your situation. In fact, I saw this side of me flare up a lot while I was in the Long Term Care setting. A lot of the people there, were seeking end-of-life care and truly just needed physical, emotional, and spiritual comfort in their last days. But then were the other people. Those who had simply decided, "well, it's all downhill from here, so I'm just going to give up and stop trying." It was depressing and extremely frustrating at times. There were moments when I literally wanted to look some of them in the eye and say, "Hey! You are 70 years old. Your life is not over yet. If you go to physical therapy, exercise, eat well, and really try to get better, you probably could have another 10-15 years of quality life!" It's hard to just keep providing the physical immediate needs over and over and over again, when you know that there could be so much more! This is a lot of why I became a nurse in the first place, to help people get better. Maybe that doesn't always mean physically better, but my desire is to always inspire change.

One macro problem with this. I cannot change anyone. Only Jesus saves. I cannot forget this, because the minute I do, is the minute my ministry and effectiveness ends, and I wind up burn-out and completely empty.

3. I value my opinion much too highly.

I think that being a leader in high school ministry for so long, has had a tremendously good impact on my life, but in some ways, has also brought a lot of my ugliness to the surface. When a high schooler comes to me with questions, I listen and hear their heart, and then naturally share opinions and advice from my own life and from the truth of God's word.

It is so good for me to hold back all of my opinions in a clinical setting, and just sit and listen. Ultimately, I am not the Holy Spirit.